Beating the Negativity Behind the Word “Favorites”

At any dance studio, one of the most discouraging phrases we sometimes hear is, “You can tell who the favorites are.”

While it may seem like a harmless comment, its impact can be heavy. For some dancers, it creates a feeling of being invisible, as if their effort goes unnoticed. For others, it adds pressure and takes away from the joy of simply dancing. Most concerning, it can lead children to believe they are “behind,” when in reality they are exactly where they are meant to be on their own unique journey.

Every dancer develops differently. Some gain strength, confidence, and technique quickly, while others need more time and repetition. This difference does not measure worth, potential, or dedication. Growth is not a race. When the idea of “favorites” enters the room, it can cause young dancers to question themselves, their progress, and whether they truly belong, when what they need most is reassurance and belief.

The competition world can be especially demanding. Dancers face corrections, pressure, and moments of self doubt. This is where the support of adults and guardians matters most. Our role is to remind them that struggle is part of learning, that mistakes are part of improvement, and that confidence is built through consistency, patience, and perseverance. Success is not instant. It is shaped over time by showing up, working hard, and continuing even when things feel difficult.

It is also important to remember that readiness looks different for every child. Pushing a dancer into skills, roles, or expectations they are not prepared for can create fear, frustration, or even injury. True progress happens when dancers are challenged with care, when they are encouraged to stretch while still feeling safe and supported. This balance allows both their ability and their confidence to grow.

We also recognize that we are in a time when parents naturally want to protect their children from disappointment or discomfort. That instinct comes from love. However, learning to face challenges, to feel frustrated, and to work through setbacks is a vital part of growth. In a nurturing environment, these moments teach resilience, patience, and self trust. They help children understand that effort matters and that progress is something to be proud of, even when it comes slowly.

What is often labeled as “favoritism” is usually trust that has been built through consistency, commitment, and readiness in a given moment. It is not about valuing one child more than another. It is about meeting each dancer where they are, while believing in the potential of every student in the room.

As teachers, our heart is with every single dancer, especially those who may feel unsure, overlooked, or “behind.” They are not failing. They are growing. And growth takes time, patience, and a whole lot of compassion. And here’s something we can promise from experience: every teacher you meet has felt exactly that way at some point. The frustration, the self doubt, the “why can’t I get this?” moments. Yes, even the ones who now make it look effortless. They were once the kid in the back of the room on the wrong foot, missing the turn, and wondering if they belonged. So if your dancer is feeling that way now, they are not alone. They are simply standing in the very place where strong dancers are made. The best advice we can give our young artists is to NEVER give up.

Our hope is that we can move away from the idea of favoritism and instead embrace understanding, empathy, and encouragement. When dancers learn to trust their own path and support one another’s journeys, we are not only building stronger performers. We are helping shape confident, resilient young people who believe in themselves, on the stage and in life.

MISS MADDIE & MISS VICTORIA 2017