Beating the Negativity Behind the Word “Favorites”

At any dance studio, one of the most discouraging phrases we sometimes hear is, “You can tell who the favorites are.”

While this comment is often spoken out of frustration or concern, its impact can be heavy. For some dancers, it creates a feeling of being invisible, as if their effort goes unnoticed. For others, it adds pressure and takes away from the joy of simply dancing. Most concerning, it can lead children to believe they are “behind,” when in reality they are exactly where they are meant to be on their own unique journey.

Every dancer develops differently. Some gain strength, confidence, and technique quickly, while others need more time, repetition, and encouragement. These differences do not measure worth, potential, or dedication. Growth is not a race. When the idea of “favorites” enters the room, it can cause young dancers to question themselves, their progress, and whether they truly belong, when what they need most is reassurance and belief.

The competition world can be especially demanding. Dancers face corrections, pressure, and moments of self doubt. This is where the support of adults and guardians matters most. Our role is to remind them that struggle is part of learning, that mistakes are part of improvement, and that confidence is built through consistency, patience, and perseverance. Success is not instant. It is shaped over time by showing up, working hard, and continuing even when things feel difficult.

It is also important to remember that readiness looks different for every child.

Advancing a dancer into skills, roles, or expectations before they are prepared can sometimes create fear, frustration, or even injury. True progress happens when dancers are challenged with care. They are encouraged to stretch while still feeling safe and supported. This balance allows both ability and confidence to grow together.

We also understand that, as parents, it can be incredibly hard to watch your child feel disappointed, frustrated, or unsure. The instinct to protect them comes from love. At the same time, learning how to work through challenges, setbacks, and uncomfortable moments is a vital part of growth. In a nurturing environment, these experiences help build resilience, patience, and self trust. They teach children that effort matters and that progress is something to be proud of, even when it comes slowly.

What is sometimes perceived as “favoritism” often reflects a momentary level of readiness, consistency, or trust that has been built over time. That trust is never permanent or limited to only a few dancers. It shifts as students grow, mature, and gain confidence. It is not about valuing one child more than another. It is about meeting each dancer where they are in that moment while believing in the potential of every student in the room.

As teachers, our heart is with every single dancer, especially those who may feel unsure, overlooked, or “behind.” They are not failing. They are growing. And growth takes time, patience, and compassion. From experience, we can promise this. Every teacher you meet has felt exactly that way at some point. The frustration. The self doubt. The “why can’t I get this?” moments. Yes, even the ones who now make it look effortless. They were once the dancer in the back of the room, on the wrong foot, missing the turn, wondering if they belonged. So if your dancer is feeling that way now, they are not alone. They are standing in the very place where strong dancers are made. The best advice we can give our young artists is to never give up.

Our hope is that we can move away from the idea of favoritism and instead embrace understanding, empathy, and encouragement. When dancers learn to trust their own path and support one another’s journeys, we are not only building stronger performers. We are helping shape confident, resilient young people who believe in themselves, on the stage and in life.

MISS MADDIE & MISS VICTORIA 2017